Thirsty Land

“…For waters will break forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert…The scorched land will become a pool and the thirsty ground springs of water…” Isaiah 35:6-7

The daily demands of life, the pitfalls of fractured relationship, the exhaustion of pushing oneself onward up the mountain somehow clog my ears. I have trouble listening and more trouble hearing. And even more trouble allowing the words to come forth onto the paper. I claim to be the pen of a ready writer but the moment I am yelled at, ridiculed, glared at or feel the tiniest discouragement it’s as if I have buried my pen and hidden the paper away in some dark closet.

And yet… here I am. The Word of God bathes me in soothing bath salts. The steadfast love of my Father wraps powerful arms around my hurt. The oil of gladness is poured over my muddled thoughts and brings clarity.

Somehow, while at the Potter’s knee I learned that the bible held such powerful truth and healing that even when my heart and mind were not committed to it, if I faithfully read it every day, the words would do miraculous work on my hardened heart. Even a single verse holds the key to deliverance. The beauty of a tiny poem in some random corner of a prophet’s voice has the ability to move a mountain and open tightly clenched eyes. Often, I have by habit, sat down with bible on my knees and stared at the words on the page. Many times I have copied the words from that bible onto my journal pages…out of habit only, not from passion or purity or even desire. In these seasons, I have been fed and nourished even when I have felt destitute and starving.

I recall being so deeply burrowed down in dark dirt that I was clinging by my fingernails to the edge of sanity. The autopilot of getting children dressed, fed and to school and the robotic preparation to go to work and go through the motions of functioning, fueled by gallons of diet coke and M&M’s, was an ugly reality with zero thanksgiving and a weight so heavy on my chest that I could not move out of the rut. I had a small space beside my bed where I would hide my sad heart. I was completely unable to function for myself, outside of the demands to care for others. How was it that I survived this cave of despair?

One day, after weeks of this pattern, ‘wake up, drag myself out of bed, throw on sweats, take kids to school, go to hiding place, sit down on floor, no tears, no emotion, no nothing’; the unread bible sitting before me, a tiny ‘thank you’ fell off my lips. I got up, washed my face and did the laundry. The next day, same process: knelt down on the floor, opened the bible and said ‘thank you’ a little louder; closed the bible and got up to go through the motions. The next day, I woke up with a little more energy, repeated all the motions, knelt to the floor, opened my bible said ‘Thank You Lord’ and began to cry. Bit by bit, day by day, motion by motion, I started to focus on the words before me in the bible. The peace returned, the emotions returned, I could hug my husband and children and mean it. I woke up singing one morning and realized the joy and the recognition of the Father’s love for me was there and had been there all along. He didn’t leave me, I just wasn’t seeing Him there. I returned to the foot of the cross where my life began and started over.

The parched , dry landscape of my mind and heart slowly came to life as the Living water of Jesus was sprinkled over the brown grass. The sprinkles became a trickle, the trickle erupted into a steady stream, the stream grew to a flooding torrent of fresh, sweet water and I burst to life. My heart swelled with hope and my voice rang out in praise to the heavens.

This growing passion in me has never dimmed in spite of other periods of drought and famine. There are indeed times when I want to flee, to hide my pen, to bury my face in my sagging wings. They are more frequent than I would welcome but the Living Water continues to satisfy my thirst and the hiding away is much like my Jesus going to the distant shores to rest or to the garden to pray with His Father. I want to liken these times that I retreat to those of my Savior’s. Surely I am being healed and invigorated and His Word is inspiring growth in me that will overflow onto the dehydrated ground of another’s heart.

I will go to You, my Lord in obedience, for sometimes I don’t even know that I am thirsty until I drink from Your cup.

Thank You Jesus for Your rich Presence. Thank you for giving me of the water that keeps me from thirst all the days of my life.

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