Apologizing to my readers, once again, I have been running away, hiding, ditching the writing.
When a writer says they have writer’s block, I wonder if that’s a thing or if they are just hiding out from doing the thing they were made to do. Are they pretending they can’t think of anything to write? Are they stumped for ideas? Or are their minds flooded with so many ideas they don’t know which one to pick? Maybe it’s not a block at all but just them deciding not to write.
I announced boldly to the Lord, that ‘I am the pen of a ready writer’. Then I went and hid my pen. I tucked my thoughts away in bed, and buried my face in a book of another writer. He followed me around for awhile asking me when I would decide to listen. He gently hugged away my sorrows and dried my tears so that I could see. He walked with me for miles through desert and darkness and forest. He watched the sunsets and sunrises and sat with me and listened while I talked. I thought I was just discussing the people I loved and the things that concerned them but then I realized I was telling Him my secrets.
He asked me when I was going to write again but didn’t make a face or criticize when I didn’t answer.
I tried to numb my brain for awhile so I wouldn’t think about things. I worked very hard so that I was tired at the end of the day and fell into a deep, deep sleep. I began to dream, and asked the Lord if I was supposed to write these things or what. He just smiled at me.
Every morning, I would wake up with profound thoughts and words dancing merrily through my mind. I poured over the Word of God and put away special ideas for later. I doodled in my journal, twisted vines and flowers and grapes; my way of avoiding listening and a substitute for writing. Seven cups of tea later and a stomach ache, and still no desire to sit down at my computer.
Jesus walked the dogs with me and held my hand as we looked at the trees and the sun filtering through high branches. He never pushed me, just hung out, doing the things I love to do.
Yesterday, my belly was hurting from eating badly, drinking too much tea, and working all day in the yard. My eyes were hurting from reading too much and probably not drinking enough water. I realized I have been running away from writing the things that God wants to say. In fact, more than running, I have been plugging my ears and ignoring Him.
This has left an unsettled feeling in my core.
It’s so easy for me to be busy, and if too tired to be busy, I can easily eat or drink or read or watch movies until I fall asleep and can’t write. What am I really doing?
Jesus doesn’t even say, “Told you so.”
He just puts an arm around me and says, “I’ve missed you.”
“Come and sit awhile, and hear what I have to say. It’s not just for you.”
“…Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it.” -Habakkuk 2:2