The wealth I have is not to be taken lightly. I am a rich woman when I hold a small baby in my arms for long stretches of quiet. I am further enriched by the challenge of stretching out my hand to the unlovely. I am full as I am surrounded by grandchildren that are marked with the faces of my children, my parents my cousins…This inheritance is wide and deep.
This morning, as I prepared to leave my son’s house, I am overwhelmed with mixed emotions. I am sad, joyful, aching and anticipating…My almost seven year old grandson comes in with sleepy face to curl up around me with his blanket. The tears come to my eyes out of nowhere as I realize what this parting means. Feeling his thick curls, reminds me of his daddy, whose curls I fingered so many times. This little boy with his gentle, sensitive spirit reaches out to mine and hugs my heart tight. I think on his standing up next to me, constantly checking his height with mine, and realize he could be many inches higher the next I see him… This is the ache of living far from children who grow so quickly…The inches.
Two tiny women, two and four, come to tell me good morning, their hair in every which direction. They remind me they ‘wuv’ me and tell me they don’t want me to go. Their constant requests, perpetual ‘whys’, and endless story telling confirm that…I could literally sit all day and listen to, and translate, their banter…
Grace. Growing so fast!!! She’s nearly an adult, except she’s ten. She likes her sleep-in…I am honored! It’s before 8 am and she’s up to say goodbye, racing in to throw herself into my arms… Oh Grace. Beautiful, clever, creative, fun, articulate, little mother…Who will you be, young lady?
Torn. These sweet, busy babies
Then there’s the other end of the spectrum…
A college girl traveling the land and her brother, a junior high boy immersed in becoming thirteen. Busy, busy, occupied with becoming…I love to get involved in their busy-ness. It’s so much fun! Next I see them, it will be new adventures.
All of the melancholy calls out a new look at my own journey into independence. I grew up with the mantra…”we are grown up to fly away and begin our families. One should be completely independent.” Leaving, and the pain thereof, was expected. I, somehow, in my growing, learned I could only depend upon myself and I was valued and close to perfect if I could do it all by myself without any help at all, and I certainly, would not cry!
…But really…should we continue teaching such a thing? Is it all true?
When I birthed my children, or suffered illness or broken bones, I could not receive the help and support of family or friends.
Even when it came, I was of the mind that it was unnecessary because I should do it myself. If a meal was offered I always turned it away…
How silly. Did I not rob that person of the blessing of serving and loving?
Recently, staying with my son after the birth of the fifth child, I have observed a church family bring an endless supply of meals, daily, to this precious family of now, seven. The power in that, even now, moves me to tears… It is an outpouring of love and honor and service. The beauty in this design is an intricate dance of joy. Those that bring are just as blessed as those receiving the gifts.
Such are the Lessons learned on this side of sixty.
Yes, we raise our little ones to become independent beings. They strike out on their own to grow families and careers and lives that honor God, and serve others. That doesn’t mean that they are not dependent on anyone ever. That does not mean they cannot trust another soul to be there for them. They are independent yet dependent all at once.
I have traveled to my children wherever they have been to encourage and support their lives. It has been my honor to be at just about every one of the grandchildren’s births…to be there to cook and clean and hold tiny hands…to stand in awe of their accomplishment, to rejoice in victory, to grieve in sorrows.
They may need it, but I need it more.
This!
This is the point of my meandering thoughts. It is the emotion of having come and now to be going. This calling to parent, to grandparent, to friend…it is a high calling and I want to walk in it!
It comes with highs and lows; great lofty endeavors, (going to fairs with six small children), and with the recognition of my limitations; I am no longer able to carry forty pound toddlers as easily as I once did. My patience gets stretched and tested and I am reminded, once more that, children are a beautiful lesson in endurance and grace.
This is a part of my journey. I look back. I evaluate. I pick apart. I wax poetic.
The greatest thing I can do, with all my writing, is to encourage you to consider your ways, to make those days count, to walk softly and have a large voice. Do not keep silent when you carry your gifts about…Share them with your tribe, share them on the street, shout them from the mountaintops. You have so much to give.
If, in the giving, you are walking with your children, remember that they love you and want what you have to impart.
Touch their heads, give them the blessing, overwhelm them with kindness, speak life to their families…It is powerful beyond comprehension!
And…it’s in the inches where YOU are blessed.
“I will sing and not be silent.”
-Psalm 30:12