The walking stick stands in the corner of my house now. It was a gift that I bought my brother, Robert, over ten years ago.
My mom and my other brother and his wife had picked up Robert from the nursing home where he lived and gone to the Baton Rouge Zoo. It was ‘colder than a witch’s kiss’ that day and we were bundled up like Eskimos trudging around the nearly deserted zoo. All of us, that is, but Robert. He had a light jacket on and walked like a speed walker around that zoo. I was fearful of losing my wayward brother so I tried to keep up with his whereabouts as the others lagged behind.
It was a strange trip, very unlike the ones I took with grandchildren. Robert said nothing, seemed impassive, and really acted bored of the whole thing. The rest of us were performing an act of love. Rob was the one who wanted to go to the zoo. He incessantly asked every time I spoke to him on the phone. I even bought a year pass for he and my other brother so they could go whenever he wanted. His seeming lack of interest was puzzling to me and even a disappointment.
As we were getting ready to leave (an hour after arrival), we passed through the gift shop. Robert immediately brought me this big hand-carved cane and asked if I would buy it for him. I was a little miffed and annoyed that he was so ungrateful at the expense on his behalf and demanding, like a child…But as I am a giver and a pleaser, I relented and bought the cane. I hoped to bless him and his bleak existence in some tiny way. He proudly walked out of that zoo with his $60 cane.
We often don’t have any idea about the impact that we have on those around us. We don’t see, perhaps, in this life, how we influence others or even IF we influence at all. Little acts of kindness, forgotten immediately, might make a difference for someone. Words spoken carelessly may be the undoing of some tortured soul. A touch, a look, a gift…the list can go on and on.
We walk through life so absorbed in our own ‘stuff’ and frequently think it is all about us. The world, after all, was created FOR me, right?
I know that with regards to my brother, both my little brothers, I was the BIG SISTER. I was kind of mean and bossy at times and I remember being accused, by Robert, of being a ‘know it all’. I wrestled and fought with them all the time, competing for power and control. I never once thought of myself as a mentor, a teacher, or a friend…
I don’t even remember their lives much. I only remember my life with them revolving around it. All the while, they were growing and becoming and I was impacting them in ways I did not even realize.
Last September, Robert finished the race on this earth. I had to go and pick up what few belongings he owned at the nursing home. It was likely one of the most overwhelming and saddest things I’ve had to do, ever. What remained of his life was boxes of books, a few clothes, five hats, and a cane. When I saw that cane, I burst into tears.
That cane represented a day, a sacrificial love, a relationship lost, a unique but abiding personality…
I had no idea.
I am so grateful for the years of my brother. Every damn one of them. Painful or not. He was a signpost for me. A reminder that though I think something or someone inconsequential or fearful or weird or I think they don’t need me or what I have to give…Maybe they do need me. Maybe I need them.
“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
Matthew 5:16 ESV
