Golden Bowls

“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” -Ephesians 6:18

This vessel, so human, created in God’s image yet with a heart so transparent and fragile that it breaks at the slightest provocation. It aches for itself. It struggles for others. It takes everything into its care, thinking it is all by itself in the healing of the woes of this world.

Such a conundrum for them called to be burden bearers, or prayer warriors, or watchmen on the walls.

We are to be anxious for nothing as we lay concerns at the Feet of the One who can repair broken-down walls. We are to continue, despite the seeming reluctance of the One to heal our loved ones. Yet…

We are humans.Highly favored. Loved. Effective. Useful. Co-creators with God Almighty. Still flesh and bone.

Our tear ducts act of their own accord. Our body is affected by our mind and our spirit. We feel so deeply or we stuff the feelings down so deeply.

This morning, I am struggling in my flesh and bone-ness. I am feeling the pain and weight of a dear one as I am before the throne with my prayers.

I am wondering, in my humanness, WHY?!

“If You know the outcome, and You have a great plan, why do I even intercede, why do they suffer so, WHY will a loved one die?”

“Is my place here on my face even necessary?”

I don’t know if I have ever asked this before. I have felt it at times when blindness wasn’t healed, when a baby took its final breath, when a young mother died at birth, when MY baby wasn’t born breathing, when I had to feel such intense emotional pain at the loss of my parents. I have felt the empty, pointless chasm in my soul…at those times…but I didn’t ask…Why.

Today. I am asking.

My God has reminded me, pointedly, that He desires to be in these moments with me, on my knees, on my path; that even when things don’t go quite the way I would want, He still wants to hear my voice.

Really!!!!?

So many broken, disappointed and grieving hearts can’t receive that when they are lost in the dark, yet the God of the universe hears every plea, knows every purpose. Indeed, has a plan.

I do want to be a part of that plan, to see what exactly is on the other side.

I know in my spirit that I do not walk alone. That in the midst of all the ‘feels’, He is beside me, likely feeling every bit of the pain too…And if He is listening to all of us, how great must His pain be…

The Cross.

The ultimate pain of a Father. Here He placed every human failing and every past, present and future pain we could ever feel. He cleansed us here. He redeemed our soulful eyes, and longing hearts. With this precious Son of His, He crucified our losses and raised us up to Life Everlasting with Himself!

Now to take that truth and apply it to the every day.

Is it salve to my wound? Is it healing oil over the bruises of living? Is it victory in my defeats?

I lift up my eyes, in these very frequent times of broken hearted tears over the hearts and lives of others, and realize that He is in this with me. I am not alone. I am a necessary part of a much bigger picture that I cannot yet see.

The Word.

This verse has been my favorite for a very long time. As I have prayed for many years, it has been my comfort and my connection to a Holy God who hears.

“When He had taken the book, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb, each one holding a harp and golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints.” -Revelation 5:8

Incense.

Saints. That’s us!

My prayers are incense in golden bowls! Valuable, preserved, cherished, held high before the Lamb of God!

Sweet Lord! Thank You for reminding me this morning of the fragrant aroma these words and tears are to You.

I will ever fall on my face before your Presence. I know that when I do not have the words or even thoughts Your Spirit intercedes on my behalf with something beyond the human tongue.