Fatherless?

“Do not move the ancient boundary or go into the fields of the fatherless, for their Redeemer is strong. He will plead their case against you.” -Proverbs 23:10,11

The princess had the world by the tail. She was full of life and plans; lots of plans. She was pursuing the course set before her with an eye toward helping others in some third world country. Medicine was her dream with a beginning as a nurse…Nursing school was challenging but it did not stop her from adding classes in Art and Dance and English. She sailed through the first years, excelling in everything.

The apple of her father’s and mother’s eye, it seemed she could do no wrong. Yes…she was a princess…

Independent to a fault, she worked long hard hours at school while working at night to pay for school, until the exhaustion got a hold of her. In the midst of the studies, she suddenly realized she was missing out on the fun and social atmosphere of a nursing dorm and friends. Loneliness came in like a sword and sliced at her plans. The pursuit of accomplishment lost its luster. The isolation began to take a toll. Being separated by firmly held Christian beliefs, albeit newly found, was isolating in itself. This invited criticism and rejection by a roommate which landed the princess in a private (and more expensive) room. Becoming a doctor seemed so far away…The princess began to settle and compromise.

Compromise led to many poor choices. Choices in company and activities changed. Instead of church, it was out partying all night. Instead of studying, it was hanging with the girls. It was a sweet time and a sweet relief from the continual work. It was a short lived season. Not a season that was bad, but one where her heart was desperately lost in a maze.

A fateful night in downtown St Louis led to one of the choices that changed her life course. A wonderful night of glorious fun, dancing and making merry with new friends inevitably led to lack of wisdom as well.

A couple of months later a pregnancy was discovered.

Navigating this path was a dark, dreadful tunnel. The abrupt treatment from people was alarming to the ‘Princess girl’.

I sure didn’t feel like a princess any more.

Planned parenthood was a cold, bleak place..there was no consideration of a pregnancy in the emotional or spiritual realm. The blunt question from a doctor, “Well, are ya gonna keep ‘it’?” tore at my heart. My jaw fell open. I guess I had not considered any other choice but that I was going to have a baby.

Friends from school looked at me with such scorn and disgust. “How could you?” written all over their faces. The turned backs and whispers…Someone actually wrote on my room door, ‘Judge not lest ye be judged.’

Worse still, in this dilemma, was the rejection of my family.

I was alone.

In the midst of this horrible time, something wonderful happened to my faith.

I was so alone that I could hear God speaking to me. I had so much time on my hands that a healing began to take place within me. What happened in me was nothing short of a miracle.

The princess who had the world by the tail began to realize that she was indeed a princess and her father was the King of Kings and He had a plan.

The bible verse I quoted above sustained me in the midst of this trial. The revelation that God was my baby’s Father grew in me. I was repeatedly asked what I was going to do with a baby. I was challenged by people who told me how miserable my life would be; how hard it would be to be a single mother; how bad it would be for my child who would ‘have no father’. In all of this, that verse reminded me that my baby would be safe and protected and even in my ignorance and disgrace, that MY Redeemer was strong and He would come to our defense. The peace and confidence covered me. I held up my head and focused on ‘the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.’ God was calling me to be different, to trust Him, and to go wherever He led.

The other revelation was that there was some far greater purpose in my pregnancy and for my baby. Some kind of healing and restoration for my family. The child, a person who would speak life to others and carry with him an anointing to bring God’s Kingdom to the earth. I was a vessel carrying this gift.

The months of sickness, eating to feel better, eighty pound weight gain, early morning clinicals, wearing a mask in an isolation room and running out of the room with nausea, being a target of crazies on the Psyche ward, surrounded by cigarette smoke, drinking TAB soda and eating chocolate to pull all-nighters for finals, working doubles to save money; all gave way to graduation, taking state boards and getting a job working with patients that I loved. The long hollow aloneness became joyful preparation for the soon coming of a baby.

In 1981, being a single mother was a ‘scorned woman’ label. I did not care, nor did I listen to any of the lies and prophesies of doom from well-meaning folks. I had friends from my church who encouraged and taught me in the ways of family and children. I had some dear friends in nursing school who supported my decisions and came along side of me when many others did not. They kindly surprised me with a baby shower and blessed me so much! I will never forget the kindnesses of these people. They were the Hands and Feet of my Redeemer who was more powerful and more present than an earthly father could ever be.

So, Fatherless, you say? Not hardly.

Father God DID bring a flesh and blood father to my son. When Nathan was two, the man who became my husband, also became a father. Icing on an already elaborate and beautiful cake.

Thank You God for Your care in our lives. For seeing to the details when we are thinking only of ourselves and not doing a very good job at that. It is You who is our Father. Our Daddy. Our Abba. It is to You that we give all of the glory.

Amen!