Sleep thick over my eyes. Feeling immovable. Curl up, stay still, never get up again. Heaviness upon me. Heavy heart within.
I am rarely in this place. I wake with plans every day. My mind is rolling before my feet touch the floor. I must force myself to sit still with tea and bible in hand BEFORE I enact said plans. Often, I am distracted by those plans, as I dwell in the Presence of The Almighty. I have to purpose to listen to what He would say for the day, preferring His plans over my own. Typically His Love overshadows and consumes me. My thoughts, while not His, receive His blessing and he says GO, do those things, enjoy, be blessed and be a blessing!
But this morning…there are none of those plans. The ‘should do’s’ wander fleetingly across my mind but are not even entertained. I stay, uncommitted, in my seat, trying to wake up and feeling the press of concrete blocks on my shoulders, the weight of a thousand pounds upon my head…and I do not move, or think, or dream.
My little red devotional book lies before me, so I read.
God Calling-1945
“Never doubt. Have no fear. Watch the faintest tremor of fear, and stop all work, everything and rest before Me until you are joyful and strong again.Deal in the same way with all tired feelings….Times of withdrawal for rest always precede fresh miracle-working. Learn of Me…When Paul said,” I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” he did not mean that he was to do ALL things and then rely on Me to find strength. He meant that for all I told him to do he could rely on My supplying the strength.”
Somehow, these words were a balm on my busy little self. I could give myself permission to stop and rest. It wasn’t someone else telling me to stop and rest and listen. It was me, recognizing that God provided rest and I could CHOOSE to take it.
He’s probably smiling at me once again and nodding His Head, saying…’Finally…”
"The Lord is my strength and my song; He has given me victory." -Exodus 15:2 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will uphold you with My righteous right Hand!" -Isaiah 41:10 Addendum: I wrote this a few weeks ago. I chose the title today. Since the writing, I have had many conversations with my husband about these weights that I carry around. The ones that eventually just sideline me when I can't go any more. I queried him whether he put off doing 'fun stuff' until all the 'have to' stuff is done. He said, "Oh yeah. That's called 'burdening'. " (Like, is that a real thing?) But, the light bulb went on... I am carrying burdens I was not meant to carry...'Burdening' me down... Thanks Dan. You brought clarity to my cement blocks... I am gonna go do some 'fun stuff'!