It has been awhile, my friends. I am so sorry to have kept you waiting.
I have been away. I have been following the Potter’s leading, journeying far into the night, over mountain paths and desert sands. I have been looking up into the clouds and around corners, deep into the past. It has been both profitable… and disabling. Yet, I sense that, as I take a deep breath and begin…I know not what…out will come the color and the light and the words that will encourage our hearts and set us sail once again.
A layer of time has been pulled back and revealed me wanting of a healing touch by my Creator. I have been hiding a wound that has not served me well. I hid it, fed it, nurtured and protected it and have suddenly discovered that it has done me no good and has crippled a part of me. I don’t really know its name. I just know what it looks like and how it acts.
At some point in time, I learned to ‘be a good girl’, at all costs. I internalized this as part of my religion. IF I was a ‘good girl’, I would go to heaven. IF I was a’good girl’, I would be rewarded. The next thing I learned was what to ‘do’ to be a ‘good girl’. I had a whole list of things that won approval from my parents, teachers and friends. Usually the list was helping, serving, doing. I became the best at everything I did in order to win attention and gain a pat on the back. I learned to put my desires and needs on the back burner.
As I have grown older, I am still performing for the audience, still DOING incessantly to gain the approval of someone. There may not be a ‘someone’ at all, but I keep going at a frantic pace, stopping barely to gain a breath. I have to finish the jobs that never go away.
Now, the winning of approval is completely subconscious. I don’t even know that I am doing it until someone questions my ability…then I am defensive and protective of what I am doing.
Such a weird and silly thing to obsess over.
Just let it go, sis.
You are accepted no matter what or how you do. It has nothing to do with how much or how well you do. You are loved simply because you are YOU.
WAIT! What!?
Yep. The Creator made you and likes you. You do NOT have to prove anything to Him. And you do not have to prove anything to the humans around you either. You are loved unconditionally.
This earth shattering truth opens up hope in me. It is a door into a dozen other things that I have to look at. I have been ignoring these things for years and here they are hidden under this dark calloused wound.
I find that in spite of the ugliness of this discovery, I am looking forward to what I am about to see.
So here, at this road, I receive the healing that the Creator has to offer me. I give Him this lie I believed when I was just a little girl. I did not know there was a choice then; but I do now.
Thank You God for loving me just the way I am and for setting me free of this chain that I unknowingly wrapped around my own feet. I trust that You will show me the way along this new path I am walking.
Here we go!!!! Step by step, layer by layer. Into the Potter’s House to learn what the pots are made of. To learn what they are for.
"Make me to know Your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths..."- Psalm 25:4
Love this!