Unlovely

Two kids from different worlds collide, grow in love and spend the rest of their days together. Fairy tale?

I hadn’t been married long before I realized how very different my husband and I were. Not just the personality thing, but the tools we brought into our lives together; where we had learned them and how.

I was a horse/bike-riding hippie girl from Northern California, who grew up thinking cars should be banned from the streets of Santa Cruz. I had a huge disdain for television and white bread and I most definitely only camped out under the stars and maybe in a tent. Slightly opinionated. NOT a princess.

My husband grew up in San Diego, riding mini/dirt bikes, camping in all kinds of vehicles and tents, and hiking. As a teen he road three-wheelers and off-road vehicles in the desert. He drove a giant 4×4 truck when I met him. Maybe some of the charm? (Love overwhelms opinions)

When we became a family, we made many trips to the mountains for the day.

Right before Jacob was born, I got introduced to the desert. I had never been, ever. We went out to Ocotillo hot springs and sat in rustic pools of warm water from the earth. I was nine months pregnant.

When Jacob was six weeks old we packed up our VW bus and headed to the desert again, to an isolated spot near the hot springs again. I had no idea what I was getting into. What WE were getting into. ‘Starry-eyed couple with three year old and six week old baby camping out of a van…’

I was in awe of the beauty in the desert. We set up a rough camp. Barbecued hot dogs and played in the dunes, danced in the wind and soaked up the sun. At dusk we discovered, in all our play, Dan had lost his wedding ring somewhere in the sand dunes. We looked fruitlessly until it was too dark. Both of us saddened we turned in for the night.The next morning we went back to the area where we were playing. There, half buried in the sand, Dan found his ring! It was a celebration!! A miracle!

Suddenly, in the midst of our revelry, the wind picked up and our carefully constructed tarp wind break couldn’t handle the gale.Clouds started blowing in. My husband knew from experience that this wasn’t good. We hurriedly took everything down and packed it all up to get on the road to get out of there, fearing flash flooding in that low desert area. All this, with two babies in tow. I think I was laughing my head off until I realized it was serious as we tried to navigate home.

Even after that, I fell in love with the desert and our crazy adventures. It was challenge for survival that I loved, making the best of awful and hard situations, and trying to make it fun for my kids. It was NOT EASY camping like that, but I had such great scorn for all those people who camped in their giant RV’s, I really thought I was ‘all that’ with my Beverly Hillbillies vehicles that we camped in for many years. We all loved it and we were happy. It was an amazing chapter in our lives.

I think I finally succumbed to the ‘establishment’ after a single miserable and disappointing trip. I was cooking two big beautiful steaks on a hibachi in the sand when my toddler daughter had to go to the bathroom. She was potty training so I quickly stopped to help her. The wind picked up and sand blew at her bare legs and bottom. The poor little thing cried and cried. I felt so bad for her as I was trying to help her squat outside. After comforting her, I turned back around to discover that my steaks were covered by sand from that same gust of wind…I sat down and cried. That was the moment we decided to start looking for a trailer, and at the very least, getting a portable-potty for little girls learning to potty train.

The biggest life-changing event that occurred for me during this season when our children were small was one I am not particularly proud of, but one that revealed a character flaw I had and one that I have never forgotten.

We as a family had gotten into off-road motorcycle riding. We made trips to the various deserts and mountains with the bikes and three-wheelers. Most always, these trips were midweek or Friday and Saturday so that we could be back for church on Sunday. I was adamant about church attendance and wouldn’t budge.

Well…as our boys got older, they wanted to ride in races, Dan too. We decided to try a motorcycle club. The first event that we were attending was being held over a Sunday. Mama wasn’t happy about it but the kids were so excited that I relented. That doesn’t mean that I had a good attitude about it at all.

Yes, I prepared all the food and clothes and packed the truck. Yes, I made sure the kids had all their riding gear…but…I went with my heels dragging, my lower lip dragging more and my arms crossed; pretty sure I had a scowl on my face too…

As we pulled up to the camp area, there was a guy directing campers. I rolled the window down as he approached us. He exhaled a puff of smoke from his cigarette, took a sip of his beer and smiled a big toothless grin, welcoming us with joy to the Training Wheels MC Club Event. Inwardly, I cringed. The picture of everything I wanted to avoid…Everything I wanted to protect my kids from. He kindly gave us directions and invited us to the campfire that evening. He was genuinely excited we were there.

As we were driving into camp, I rolled up the window. Everything inside of me was mad and disgusted and wanting to scream and cry, “turn around and go home!”, and instantly, in my ear, inside my head, I heard the words:

“I have called you to love the unlovely.“

My internal rant stilled. I could not believe what I was hearing.

“Is that YOU Lord? Are you serious right now!?”

Woah! I was put instantly in my place and I shut completely up.

Now I don’t know if my attitude was any better, but I do know that statement changed how I thought of the people we were with that weekend. They were warm and fun and interesting and we felt welcomed. We had a beautiful time together as a family. Many of those same ‘unlovely’ folks became some of our best and most faithful friends.

That was a turning point. Pride and arrogance took a backseat. ugh. I tried to kick them out of the truck all together. They were still rankled and reared their ugly heads periodically but…I was learning what to do with them.

This idea that we are to love those unlike us, less than attractive, unpleasant, loud, and smelly is just what Jesus would do.

My treatment of the homeless and begging was altered as well. No longer did I feel threatened or afraid, walking around them, avoiding eye contact. I learned to bless them any way that I could.

My care for my brother was changed as well. He too was a toothless, lost soul. One of the unlovely ones. Where before, I avoided, I came to embrace. Fear was overtaken by compassion. I am so glad that my heart changed before he passed away…

My attitude about everything changed as a result of that weekend.

Jesus came to seek and to save us. How can I identify as a Christian, a ‘little Christ’, and act so unlike Him?

Love must govern our lives. Not fear, not our comfort, not pride, not arrogance.

All the unloveliness of the people around us, our husbands, siblings, children, neighbors, coworkers does not have to be a stumbling block, but an arrow pointing to the ones who need more love, more hugs, more understanding, more prayer, more inclusion.

I still see, in my mind’s eye, the toothless face of that ragged fellow; maybe an angel sent to me that day with a message that I needed to hear?

THANKS husband, for taking me camping all these years!

And to think, I learned this on a camping trip, pulling a dreaded trailer on a Sunday!

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?..But love your enemies, do good to them.” -Luke 6:32,35