“…Whither thou goest, I will go…”
Ruth 1:16-17
As I have passed the forty year mark of marriage, I have been thinking much on life; reflecting on what exactly has happened over the past forty years, as I have traveled the road of ‘being married’.
From the outside, looking into people’s lives, through day to day encounters, work acquaintance, social media, etc., we form an opinion about what goes on behind the eyes; behind the walls.
I have been guilty, more than once, of thinking things one way to only be abruptly reminded they are entirely different than what I think. I have hastily judged, labeled and wrapped up a nice neat little package of how ‘other people’s lives’ are.
It has not been any different for me. I am sure others look on and come up with their own opinions of ‘us’. The pretty anniversary picture of contented old people is worthy of an opinion…”AHHHH look at that happily married couple…they must have had a fairy tale romance and a sparkly beautiful castle to live in…”
LET’S TRAVEL BACK IN TIME.
I was six weeks pregnant when I met Dan. We were stand-up friends for our best friends’ wedding. I thought him handsome and mysterious, a sweet flirtation, but with different lives, miles apart, I never gave him another thought. I was single and pregnant, in my last semester of nursing school and trying to figure out what the heck I was going to do. He was footloose and fancy free with a string of girlfriends.
Travel forward in time two years. Fresh on the tail of a broken heart, I met Dan again at our best friends’ house in Iowa. He was still handsome and mysterious, and interested in me, WITH MY TWO-YEAR OLD SON.
We spent a week together sightseeing, talking, going to church, getting to know each other and corralling a toddler…How does one get to know someone in a week?! At the end of the week, on the banks of the Mississippi River, at a playground, Dan proposed. And I said YES!
WHAT!?
Yes m’am. Yes sir.
We got married less than a month later.
How does a marriage start out with two flawed and broken people and a child in the midst of being two, with one week of history and then go on to last FORTY years!?
GRACE!
Not ours, that’s for sure.
On my wedding night I learned my idea of marriage was not the same as his. ha! I came out of the bathroom in my pure white little teddy to find him sound asleep and snoring. Embarrassed, I went to the bathroom and sat down and cried. First ‘married’ conversation with God about rude awakenings and disappointment with much unconfined anger…
We flew to the Bahamas the next morning.
Our honeymoon was a piece of heaven we could barely afford. We had to have his dad wire money to us for all the hotel room service and scuba diving adventures and fancy dinners. I lost a diamond out of my wedding band and he nearly lost his band. We were two ridiculous kids who had no idea what we were doing but we laughed and cried and stumbled and danced our way through.
With stars in our eyes, we returned to real life to set up our house in San Diego, moving me from Louisiana to a house Dan’s dad secured for us. The house was one that belonged to a friend of his. What we didn’t know was that it still held all of the man’s belongings and several vehicles parked in the yard… If I could put an emoji in here… you could imagine my face… (Little naive bride moves into house with yellow shag carpeting and…) Ugh.
Not to be undone, we put smiles on our faces and proceeded to clean and rearrange and maneuver around the house. There wasn’t much we could do about the old cars in the yard, but we were able to move a lot of the junk to the garage and to a pile that I covered with a sheet. By the end of the week it was move-in ready and I flew out to Louisiana to get my son.
Now that I look back at that memory… I can laugh. But it was horrible. I kind of vaguely remember Dan telling me ahead of time that the guy’s things were there. I just didn’t realize they were everywhere…Haha.
In fact, when I think about it, I’m kind of like this with much of life, and particularly what my husband is saying to me. I only hear and retain what I want to hear and retain…Oi!
Then there was the money thing…Neither of us had jobs. We spent all our savings on our honeymoon. Wow! Did we really do that!? You betcha. The words to ‘Danny’s Song’ from the seventies about ‘drinking life from a paper cup’ and “in the morning when I rise everything’s gonna be alright’… drifts through my head…
So…the first lesson for marriage that I gleaned? Despite the disappointment and fractured vision….make the best of it. Laugh at it. Dance when ya feel like sitting in a puddle of tears…
And…you better have something sturdier to stand on than yourselves. We, evidently, were flying by the seats of our pants.
Fortunately, we both loved Jesus and I trusted Him to get us through anything. And He did….
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
Proverbs 3:5
Stay tuned for Part Two of Time Travel